A Very Niave Expectant Mum and a Good Job Well Done....

When I think back to when I was expecting DS, I (very stupidly) remember thinking along the lines of "baby will glide easily into my daily routine. I will still be able to keep a nice clean tidy house, visit friends..blah..blah..blah..."
*feel free to laugh out loud now whilst banging fists on table in hysterics*

I actually chuckle to myself when I think of how niave I was! It was definitely more like "baby comes into the world with a loud bang, dominates and controls my days/weeks/months/years. I'm lucky if I manage to finish half a cup of tea"!

I pictured that home would mostly be like this..

 

When in fact, last week it actually resembled this...

Six years on and nothing much has changed. DS still dominates and controls my days, I work everything else around him.
Over several days last week, DS was in a mischievious and destruction mood. He sprinkled a nearly full bag of flour on the kitchen floor! As I was clearing that up, he decided to empty a vase of flowers out. Whilst I clearing the tipped out water he then turned the electricity off by the main switch! This went on and on, I just couldn't keep up with him.
So whilst he was safe (with only flour and flowers accessible to him) I skulked to my bedroom, shut the door and had a mini meltdown of my own!

I screamed into a pillow, composed myself and went back down to the chaos....er..i mean DS. Surprisingly, I felt much better, like I had gotten rid of alot of tension and frustration. I am human at the end of the day and DS did not witness or hear my 'Gggrrr' into the pillow therefore I felt like I had dealt the issue effectively.

I was talking to a parent recently who says that she feels like she fails her child during very difficult and challenging periods because she gets frustrated too. It was this parent that inspired this post and I wanted her and others to know that we all have had times when we have been pushed to our limits and boundaries have been broken. We need to remember that we are doing a very difficult, hugely rewarding at times but still a very difficult job. Our relationships are put under strain, our whole lives are turned upside down and our future plans changed.
Please understand, I am not in anyway complaining about the above in relation to my son,I'm just stating the facts. We also do this job free of charge.

I think as parents we need to be kinder to ourselves in general, we are doing a great job especially with everything considering. Autism awareness is still very limited within society and its only 50 years since the first autism diagnosis - not a long time at all!

To wrap up this post, my plea is to give yourself a hug and pat on the back for doing a fab job! :)

Blackpool Pleasure Beach - the pleasure was all ours....

Daddy and I took DS to Blackpool at the weekend. It was magical!

There was a special reason why it was magical and that reason is because this was the first ever trip that went smoothly, without a hitch/wobble/meltdown/anxiety attack. There were no issues, no issues at all which has never ever happened before!
We booked the usual premier inn for the night which DS loves! The fact that they are always the same wherever you go is a massive hit with DS as he knows what to expect.

So on Saturday we drove to Blackpool, Daddy sat in the back with DS,  fiddle toys within reach, drinks and snacks in plentiful supply - we were sorted for journey.
As we swung in the Premier Inn's car park, DS recognise the sign outside and started bouncing up and down on his seat in the car with excitement :)
We checked in and let DS get use to the room before we headed out again

Due to the crowds and noise at the pleasure beach, we decided to give that a miss and instead headed towards the tower for the Blackpool eye. However that wasn't running due to the strong winds so we headed to the sea as DS just loves water!
Actually, he loves water a little bit too much! He was adamant that he was going to run straight into the sea and it took all mine and Daddy's strength and energy to chase after him to prevent him from running in and being swept away - we both moved like smooth athletes! ;)
DS loved our reaction to this so kept trying to do it and it kind of became a bit of a game. We would take turns in chasing him (within safe distances to the water) the tickling him once we caught him-he loved it and giggled breathlessly when we caught him.

(Mental note to self: Ugg boots are not ideal for sprinting after very speedy and quick as a flash child - must re-valuate footwear for future use!!)

The plan was to grab some tea, go back to the room give DS a bath then come back out to see the illuminations. What exactly happened was that after DS's bath, he turned the TV off, light off said goodnight to us and got into bed. So that was that!
Once he was asleep, we quietly put X Factor on and made a cup of tea :)

The next day, we headed back to the seafront as DS had enjoyed it so much the day before. It was very very windy. As I got out of the car, the wind was literally blowing all my hair up, DS was smiling away at me so being the silly parent that I am I started pulling silly faces which he was finding hilarious!

*Daddy took this very flattering picture of me*

I cannot tell you how refreshing and so enjoyable it was to take DS on a trip that went without a hitch and one that he enjoyed so much - like I said its never ever happened before. I've been thinking why was it so successful, why did it work beautifully and why hasn't it before? This is what I came up with:

*It was planned weeks before with DS sensory issues considered

*I prepare DS the day before by showing him a pic of the room and telling him exactly how we were getting there, who was coming, when we would be going and how long we were staying

*Once we were there, the trip was totally child led. We followed his lead rather than us saying "right this is what we are going to do" DS decided what we were going to do and when we were going to do it.

*We took care to avoid sensory overload situations (ie avoiding the pleasure beach) and if it was impossible to avoid any we got him out as soon as possible

*Daddy and I enjoyed ourselves too which children pick up on. Happy parents=happy kids!

* We know DS well and know what he can tolerate and what he can't some being through trial and error of previous trips.

It would be great if this was the start of things to come but we'll see.
You know your a autism parent when a day out doesn't consist of your child lying on the floor, screaming whilst attacking you in the most public place ever *notice how they always choose the most public and exposed place possible??*
Even if we never have another day as good or as smooth as we did at the weekend again, I will always remember this one and for once, for the right reasons xx

Unusual Trampoling Buddies....

Well I've had my first Makaton Signing lesson and absolutely loved it! I have a great tutor and a great rapport with him!
The time went so quickly but we did manage to cover quite a few signs as well as practice them too.
When the SALT (speech and language therapist) asked me if there were any particular signs I wanted to know.........well I'm sure you can guess what I asked for? Oh yes! the beloved washing machine! :)) if I learn nothing else then I must know this sign.

Now Makaton does not have a sign for washing machine (how could they leave this precious and important sign out I ask you?! hiss! boo!) so we are using the BSL sign for washing machine which I've had loooaaaaddss of practice at this week with DS! I'm looking forward to the next session already!

Now DS has been up to some funny little tricks just recently. He has taken to dragging some strange things onto his trampoline with him and bouncing with them. It started with the clothes airer, this was dragged up the garden, into the trampoline and bounced with until it could take no more and folded itself up! DS found this hilarious! So would get me to open it up again for him to bounce with the thing bouncing up and down with him for it them to fold shut. I must admit the more he laughed then the more I laughed (I'm sure the neighbours have already written me off to be bonkers ;)

Once he got tired of that, he started to take other things in for a bounce such as the shoe rack and his garage...

Here is a queue of trampolining 'buddies' all waiting patiently for their turn!
A few chairs, a scooter and a cushion have also joined DS for a bounce.

I'm not too sure of the fascination behind this one but it brings him fun and is not harming anyone so he can carry on ..........at least the beds are safe from trampolining........for now!

The Beauty of Signs....

When DS was around 18 months old we were always on the go.
We were always trotting off to either a Mother and baby group, baby swimming lessons or a playbarn somewhere. It was fun and I loved taking my baby these places showing him off and seeing how much fun he was having. Life was very sweet indeed.

One day, whilst walking out of our regular SureStart Children Centre after another busy play session with DS already well on his way of flaking out in his pushchair I just happen to spot a 'Makaton' sign language course leaflet on the reception desk.

The course was to run over 6 weeks by a fully qualified Makaton tutor, the aim of the course was to teach parents some basic signs to help ease of the frustration of toddler tantrums. For example, it is believed that many toddlers react badly to the word 'no', the sound of the word makes them throw themselves on the floor so it was suggested that using the sign for 'no' is a possible alternative. This was before anyone was aware of DS autism but I thought it would be something useful to learn so I signed up.

I found the course interesting and picked up the signs well even if I do say so myself :)
 I definitely enjoyed it more than I thought I would and have used makaton ever since with DS. Immediately at the end of the course, I wanted to take it further and increase the signs that I knew which would mean enrolling on a college course for this and with running a home, baby and juggling work it just wasn't a option really.
When later it became apparent that DS had communication and speech problems, I was grateful that I knew Makaton at a reasonable level and used it pretty much constantly when communicating with DS.

 

Even today sometimes I find myself signing when talking especially if I'm in a noisy environment (such as the pub!!!!) I will sign as I'm talking and not even realise I'm doing it!

DS doesn't sign but DOES have a good understanding of Makaton. All staff in his school sign too. Unlike the British Sign Language, Makton is used along with speech to, if you like promote the spoken word.

Recently, I've been very lucky to receive a grant from a local charity. A lady from the charity asked me to come up with a 'wish list' for both DS and myself. I listed things that DS would just absolutely love and for myself I listed a extension of  'Makaton'. She seemed interested in this and within a day had arranged for a independent speech and language therapist to come into my home whilst DS is at school for 1:1 sessions in Makaton - I can't wait!

I've met the speech therapist and discussed with him what I want to gain from our sessions, we have already plotted our first lot of sessions.

I think this is a great skill to have and can't wait to get cracking with it!
I promised myself that I would use my time from work effectively and I think this is just another good example of this :)

Fun at the Fun Fair

When Daddy told me that the fun fair was in the town and suggested he takes DS, I looked at him as if he had just fell from the sky right before my eyes!
"Er........sorry say that again" I asked
I felt like sitting Daddy down and gently explain that fun fairs are:
1) Very Noisy
2) Contain lots of over-excited kids (see point 1)
3) Contain lots of squealing kids on rides (see point 1 again)
4) Have lots of people and crowds always produce lots of 'point1'
5) Have lots of flashy lights
6) Are you mad for even suggesting this??

However Daddy made a valid point. He said we are presuming that DS won't be able to tolerate it because of previous experiences but look at what he does tolerate because he enjoys it so much.

He was right.

DS loves swimming. A few times we have been happily swimming away in a nice quiet pool when all of a sudden lots and lots of families, groups etc have comes charging into the pool. They have been shouting and generally loud. I've thought "uh-ho" this is going to be too much for DS but surprisingly he has been okay about it. He still hasn't liked it by no means but because he has been doing a activity he thoroughly enjoys and loves he has been able to tolerate the noise for a period of time.

So I agreed to Daddy's suggestion on three conditions:
1) I have to come as this is going to be a two man job!
2) We have a back up plan if it all goes pear shaped and
3) We get out of there pronto as soon as we can see a hint of distress!

All were agreed and the back up plan was escaping to a quiet and pretty park a short walk from the fair which was familiar to DS.

So off we went. Pulling up in the carpark the music was very loud which DS wasn't happy about but still we got out of the car and proceed to the fair to give it a go.

We both held a hand of DS and slowly and gently guided him around the fair. He was smiling so we decided to try him on a gentle ride which he was okay to go on

He sat beautifully and after getting use to the motion of the ride he started to enjoy it.
As that went smoothly we tried another ride, the mini waltzer

Again enjoyed and was taken by the lights on this ride.
This turned out to be a lovely family experience as DS has never been able to tolerate anything like this before.

Not wanting to push it any further as we seemed to have done well, I suggested that we now went to the quiet sanctuary of the park.
DS played happily on the slides and swing before heading back home whilst Daddy and I talked about how amazing DS is which we always seem to do.

Nothing should surprise me again with this little boy!

Giving a little something back....

As I'm sure most of you that read this will know that parenting a toddler has its tough times. There's the fact that your toddler is very mobile therefore is into everything and zooming around the place like Billy Zoom!
From poking their tiny fingers up the dogs nose to trying to get behind the telly to play with the wires......I understand where the saying 'eyes in the back of your head' came from!


So yep its agreed, toddlers are hard work! Having a toddler with additional needs is extra hard work!

I won't lie to you my friends but daily life with toddler DS was tough with a capital 'T'. I had all the usual toddler stuff as mentioned but I also had behaviours that I was unable to identify. This was pre-diagnosis. His 'odd' behaviour was a bit baffling to me. I quickly learnt that things like hoovering, mowing the lawn or putting the food processor on caused DS to cry, scream hysterically and attempt to trash the house!
The tantrums he would have when we walked into a busy supermarket were unbearable, they would be that bad that I thought he was going to burst out of the straps of his pushchair!

Of course, I can now easily identify the reasons for these things but at the time when I knew nothing of autism or sensory overloads I thought that DS was 'playing up' for me.
I don't think I will ever forgive myself for thinking this of him and mostly for not understanding him during this short time.

My confidence as a parent was seriously dented - I must not be doing a good enough job if my child is constantly throwing tantrums, I became more isolated in the house, I could go on and on......no one seemed to understand or have experienced any of this with their children.

The day DS was diagnosed, Daddy and I walked out of the paediatrician's office and we made a pact together there and then, that priority number 1 would be to ensure that DS would be happy. He would receive encouragement to do a task or activity but no pressure. Happiness would be the key and together we agreed that we would do whatever it took to ensure that.
Three years on from that day I think Daddy and I have successfully kept a smile on our little boy's face as people always comment to us how happy he is.

So on the back of this I have volunteered with my local Carers Centre for a pilot scheme called 'Circle of Friends'.
Circle of Friends sounds fantastic, carers are identified that may need some support so maybe their confidence has taken a little bit of a knock, they have become isolated at home, maybe lack friend or family emotional support. They are buddied up with a volunteer who have some things in common to take them out for a coffee, lunch, accompany them to appointments or support groups etc. My only request was to be buddied up with a carer of autism as obviously I have the most experience and knowledge on this. I expect that I will be able to identify with most of her/his emotions as I would of experienced them myself firsthand, therefore I'm hoping that I will be a good support even if that they have to tell me to shut up and stop talking every so often! *P.S ooops...Im such a chatterbox*
*p.p.s..Im sure you hadn't already noticed that, had you? ;)*

I'm just waiting to hear the date for my induction for this but if I can help another struggling parent just like me then I imagine that job satisfaction does not come much better than that xx

Normal Routine Resumed....

Look at these smiling happy faces

Have you guessed it yet?
Yes that's right, we are both Mums and smiling as our kids have gone back to school! *only kidding!......kind of*

DS is very typically autism, he doesn't like change and can struggle to adapt to it so after getting use to being off school for 7 weeks I was very thoughtful about how I was going to approach the fact that the school holidays were coming to the end.

Knowing that DS was not just only going to return to school, he was going to return to a new classroom including a brand new teacher and some children in his class he probably didn't really know so this was huuggeee! Therefore it was really important that I prepared him, kept his anxiety as low level as I could and most of all I had to get this right for his sake! *pressure! pressure!*

I think its very fair to say that I know DS better than anyone including any professional in the land! I've always trusted what I call my 'motherly gut instinct' with him and have spoken up and disagreed with professionals if I've thought what they were proposing wasn't right for him. So many parents feel they can't or shouldn't do that with someone who is a 'expert' in a particular field but I feel that as you are the parent you are your child's 'expert' in them! You spend 24/7 with them, you play with them, you communicate with him (verbal or not) you know them inside out, you are their voice and the best advocate they will ever have so if you don't agree with something relating to them then its your job to speak up and say what you think is best for them as all children are different and what may be right for one will not necessarily be right for another but hey that's another post altogether!

So yes as I know DS extremely well shall we say! I knew that its best not to start talking about school too soon, maybe a day or two before would be good.

I did attempt to get a picture of his new classroom and teacher but that didn't quite come off *shucks* so instead I very casually and happily mentioned that it was time for school in two more sleeps, DS took this in and concentrated on processing this information.
The next day I mentioned it again in the morning, gave him some time to process it and in the afternoon I started talking about school in more detail. I talked about what to expect, his teacher's name etc - it all seem to be going well.

The night before school, I reminded him again that in the morning was school. I then laid out his uniform for him to see as a more visual sign.

The next morning I got him dressed for school which he let me *hurdle No 1* and happily jumped into his school transport *hurdle No2* and went off which was fab! My prep for him seemed to be spot on! *punches the air with glee*

To be honest I expected a meltdown from him that evening and not any normal run of the mill meltdown, I expected a major house shaking meltdown where the cat runs for her life (I would sometimes go with her if I could!) because he would have endured so much change in one big whammy and possibly too much of a overload for him but to my surprise no. There was no meltdown at all just a very tired little boy.